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Black ‘n’ Blue

Silly pose. Cute outfit. Take my word for it that it was much better in person.

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vest – DKNY
shirt – Lands End Canvas
jeans – Forever21
sneakers – Target

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30 Second Review: Giorgio Armani Maestro Foundation

 

Foundations promise so much – poreless skin, no wrinkles, and the radiance of an angel brought to earth with a few swipes. Most are pretty good, some are great, some are utter crap. This? This stuff is just beyond.

 Giorgio Armani’s Maestro Foundation is made with fancy oils and science-y things that I don’t quite understand but it’s weightless and incredibly light. It’s basically bottled Photoshop/airbrushing. It’s very sheer, so you’ll need a little concealer to cover any blemishes or dark circles. But redness, dullness, pores? All magically gone. I find myself reaching for it even on days when I’m just running a few errands nearby and I don’t really need any makeup – because I look 1000% better with it on.

 So yeah, it’s Armani which means it’s expensive. It’s worth it. Not just because you only need a few drops to cover your entire face but because it’s so freaking awesome. Go to the Armani counter, get a sample (I wear shade 7, for reference), fall in love with it, and then email me with effusive proclamations that I’ve drastically improved your quality of life. I’ll take gifts in the form of kittens.

 

To sum up…

When I brought home a sample and got ready to try it on:

 

After putting it on for the first time:

 

And now, whenever I catch my reflection in a mirror and I have it on:

 

 

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Ugh Winter

I want to make a line of winter hats that say “I’m not really this fat. I’m just wearing a ton of layers. Winter, ya’know?”

Some of you may know that I’m not a born and bred ‘merican. I was born in the Caribbean, spent a few years in Chile, and then was plopped in Boston just in time to enter grade school. I wasn’t made for this weather! Doesn’t matter than I’ve been here 20+ years, my genes ache for the humidity and heat of the tropics. So in the winter, I layer. I’m talking long johns or fleece stockings, thick socks (or two if I can get away with it), pants, and knee high boots. Not to mention a tank top, a long sleeved undershirt, and a sweater. At least. Skirts require two pairs of fleece tights and thigh-high socks. And yes, this is all topped off with my Michelin Man puffy coat.

Right around this time of the year, I get real tired of it. The layers, the pants that won’t zip because I’ve stuffed two other pants underneath them, and feeling like I might Hulk out of my coat because I’m wearing four or five shirts. So…this is what you wear when you can’t bear the thought of anymore layers and you just want to wear your skinny jeans without feeling like a busted can of biscuits. Look, that’s the smile of someone whose thighs aren’t crying.

Surprise! I'm only wearing knee high socks under here!

sweater – Vince
tee – American Apparel
jeans – Levi’s
necklace – vintage
sneakers – DSW

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Where My Spinsters At?

A few nights ago, I arrived home to find my parents snuggled up in bed together. Aww cute. Then I went to my bedroom and found my two cats, also snuggled together. It hit me – I’m the fifth wheel in MY OWN HOME. So if you’re like me and spending Valentine’s Day alone when seemingly every other person mammal on earth is coupled up, here’s a guide on how to handle it.

 

Buy shit. Specifically shit that is not pink, red, romantic, or flirty whatsoever.

How about some jewelry as black as your withered heart?

jewelry

1. Charles Albert

2. Rebecca Minkoff

3. Iosselliani

4. Dinosaur Toes via Etsy

5. Crystal Ship Creations via Etsy

6. Not One Sparrow via Etsy

 

 

clothes

1.  Funktional; way cooler than any button-down you could borrow from a man-friend.

2. Topshop; this would be great to throw on when you roll out of bed at 2pm on a Sunday because you didn’t have to get up early and cook a fancy brunch for your boyfriend’s parents. Accessorize with a beer and plateful of bacon.

3. Dolce Vita; feminine in a “grandmother’s handkerchief or tablecloth” kind of way.

4. Topshop; yes, it’s a basic black sweatshirt. But in really cool neoprene fabric. It’ll leave men befuddled, trust me.

 

 

 

A classic red or pale pink nail is a perfect Valentine’s Day manicure. Say fuck it and try one of these instead.

nails

1. Grungy black via Pinterest

2. Grumpy cat (via Spektor’s Nails) is the single girl’s spirit animal.

3.  Faded and chipped blue via Pinterest

 

 

 

Skip the overpriced, crowded restaurants and treat yourself to a meal perfect for somebody who won’t need fresh-smelling breath at the end of the night.

dinner

1. Rosemary Garlic Steak via The Steamy Kitchen

2. 40 Cloves of Garlic Soup via Kitchen Treaty

3. Linguine with Arugula, Garlic & Parmesan via Gimme Some Oven

4. White Pizza Grilled Cheese via Kitchen Treaty

 

For dessert, eat these. These are the best caramels I’ve ever eaten in my life. Seriously. If you want to emulate me, say you’ll only eat 2 or 3 and then eat half the bag in one sitting and wait for the caramel sugar coma to sink in.

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Now…for some entertainment. Don’t worry there are no star-crossed lovers or Nicholas Sparks crap here.

movies

Who has time to worry about things like relationships and love when you’re got a full-time heroin addiction to nurture? Trainspotting is one of my favorite movies ever – the sharp humor, bleak story line, wicked soundtrack, and unexpected happy (?) ending can’t be beat. Also, full frontal Ewan McGregor. Just because I’m anti Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean I’m frigid, people.

If you like your movies with a bit more bite…how about Teeth? Not for the squeamish, and definitely not man-friendly, this movie might actually leave you frigid for a little while.

 
 
 

There you go. I am confident that if you follow my careful instructions you will have a kickass Valentine’s Day despite the fact that you’re alone. All alone. Forever and ever and ever.

Oh, and if anyone brings up Valentine’s Day around you, follow my lead:

me

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Winter Getting You Down?

Stick some skulls in your ears. Works for me!

skull spike earring

skull spike 2

Get ‘em here.

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Eating My Words

Remember months and months ago when I was all “eww, wedge sneakers are the suck”?

As Wendy Brandes cleverly put it, never is the next new thing. So, uh, you like my sneaks?

 

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hat – H&M (old)
scarf – gift from my boss
sweater – Forever21
shirt – American Apparel
jeans – Forever21
sneakers – Madden Girl via DSW (similar here)

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pigment

So bad. OMG SO BAD.

You might as well dunk your entire face in a vat of glitter. The fallout from this eyeshadow is that bad. I tried it with an eyeshadow primer and I tried it wet. Aside from the immediate sparkly fall-out that covered my cheeks when I put it on, within a couple of hours, glitter had migrated from my upper eyelids to my under eye area, my nose, cheekbones, and even my chin. This is going right back to MAC and I’m avoiding all of the colors in the Pressed Pigment line.

 
 
 
 

Well, that’s not 30 seconds of reviewing, so here’s a gif of Hulk Hogan blowing glitter in Dolly Parton’s face.

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Au Revoir 2012!

Later is beter than never…

 

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makeshiftnewyear (5)

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It’s all fun and games until you get glitter in your champagne.

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All photos from Greg at Covetous Creatures.

shirt- J.Crew
skirt- H&M
tights – Aerie
boots – American Eagle Outfitters
necklace – Forever21

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I Blue Myself

When colorblocking became a major trend in 2012 (or 2011 – I just had a birthday so I’m old and I can’t remember) I was a bit miffed. Because I’ve always worn bright colors together. And when I was doing it in 8th grade, there wasn’t a fancy name for it.

Well, now I propose a new trend for the new year – Monochromatic. And not just all black. All grey, all blue, and yes…all pink. I just need a fancy name for it. Monochromaticism? Linear colorway? I’ll work on it.

 

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blazer – Forever21
sweater – TJ Maxx
cords – Gap
boots – Elie Tahari via DSW
necklace – J.Crew

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Merry Christmas…to me!

This has been one of the least stressful Christmas’ for me ever. Which means I planned and prepped so well that I deserve a treat. Or two. Or three.

 

gifts for me

1. Etsy ring
2. ASOS sweater
3, 4, 5. United Bamboo Cat Club 2013 Calendar (so gorgeous and well-made!)

 
 

And I told you we’d decorate the tree!

2012 xmas tree

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